Madison (Sherman Middle School) – In a battle for first place in the MSCR Basketball Cypress Division Monday night, the Madison Mallards upended Birrenkott Appliance 29-22 in a very-physical game in front of three people.
The game had a nightmare beginning for both squads as neither team was able to hit a shot until five minutes into the contest. Once the teams started getting lucky and were able to put the “sphere”-shaped ball through the “cylinder,” (Geometry 101) the crowd erupted with a loud roar (or cell-phone ring) and the three-person wave broke out.
A back-and-forth affair this was not. Often one team would score, followed by at least 11 or 12 empty possessions by both squads, until again; one individual would have his “stars aligned” and hit a shot. With the absence of Mallards star Nick Staehler, film crews for the taping of the “And 1” series were nowhere near Madison. However, on this night, even minus the television coverage, both teams had a lot to play for—I mean, this was for first place after all.
And just because the halftime score was only 15-13 (Mallards on top), that didn’t mean the first 20 minutes (continuous clock) were played in a laid-back “lah-dee-dah” fashion. This was hardly the case.
When it was apparent early on that the officials were going to call a very-loose game, the force of the physical punishment seemed to increase with every offensive-charge. I haven’t heard that many slaps since I fell asleep to the World Sumo Wrestling Championships on ESPN Classic a week ago. To be fair however, the referees called the game fairly for both sides (None of this Tim Donaghy stuff) and were able to exit the gym afterwards in world-record time.
No question the Mallards lunch-hour office meeting in preparation for tonight’s ballgame paid off. Manager C.J. Thieleke (aka “The Point”) drew some great circles on the erase board followed by arrows to other circles, and squiggly lines to other arrows, and so on and so forth.
Said Duck Blind Manager Kevin Caloia, “Yeah, I thought coach’s lunchtime artwork was just a mish-mash of unguided Dry Erase marker strokes, but really when you think about it, if you were to draw each person’s motion during a typical game, the ending result would be pretty close to what he scribbled.”
“Think about it,” he whispered, no doubt inspired by phone conversations with The “Dude” from the motion-picture ‘The Big Lebowski’ (set to visit the Duck Pond this summer!).
The Mallards, 2-0, 3-4 overall) had great team scoring numbers with nearly everyone scoring a point. But because exact numbers aren’t reported due to an incident last season involving a scorekeeper who hurt himself while laughing, this story can only be told through randomly placed player biographies.
General Manager Vern (“Charging Bull”) Stenman was his usual self tonight. With a head of steam, he bulldozed his way from the top of the key all the way to the basket--two points every time. Ninety percent of the time Vern is fouled hard; 12 percent of the time Vern goes to the free throw line. He matches the playing style of Mark Madsen of the Minnesota Timberwolves, fitting that if Vern indeed cared about the NBA, he’d be a T’Wolves fan.
John (“The Ove Glove”) Schmeltzer is about as tenacious a defender as you’re going to find in MSCR basketball. At least in the Cypress Division. Think Gary Payton, minus the trash talking. John is always “up in his opponents’ business” and looks more like he’s trying out for a spot on Texas Tech’s roster in Bobby Knight’s first try at reality television, “Knight School,” than he is playing time in the league. His breakaway steal and late layup tonight were huge and actually might’ve been a turning point in the victory.
Mike (“O-Charge”) Then has to be considered for the team’s 1B Defender Award to Schmeltzer. With orange shoes that scream customization, Mike is another in-your-face ball-hawker who just so happens to be involved with the two-hardest fouls in the past two weeks. For that Mike, your teammates say “whew!” Tonight, he popped a few three-pointers and picked up a key offensive charge on his opponent late in the game. Indiana Pacer-great Reggie Miller was a very underrated ball defender, and Mike is too.
Nick (“Franchisor”) Staehler received his nickname from receiving royalties from opponents who’d rather throw their money and run than play the Mallards No.1 option. His game belongs in the motion offense where he has room to flash from the top of the lane and into the paint. His next move has opponents perplexed beyond no-end. Sometimes it’s the straight glide to the rim with a guide from the backboard; sometimes it’s a pull-up jumper with an Austin Croshere-like run back downcourt; or, this is the best, sometimes it’s a circus-style scoop shot that amazingly, seems to go in more times than not.
Kevin (“Spin City”) Caloia definitely exudes an old school approach to the game of basketball. The nimble-footed forward would rather spin around you than jump over. And it’s frustrating to stop because you cannot. Although again, statistics are not official, it is believed that at this point Kevin leads the team in banked-in free throws, but Stenman is close behind. Those in MSCR basketball circles have compared Caloia’s game to that of former Sacramento King center Vlade Divac…minus the flopping, sometimes.
C.J. (“The Point”) Thieleke is of course, the quarterback of the team. He’s barking out plays upon plays, formations upon formations, numbers upon numbers, and let it be known—he sure knows when to call a timeout. Maybe he just likes calling one because his summer gig (baseball) doesn’t allow him to, who knows? Like a true leader, he demands a lot of himself and oftentimes makes self-substitutions if he thinks someone else can contribute in his place. He’s that old-school type; think of a back-in-the-day Vancouver Grizzly Damon Stoudamire and Indiana Pacer Jalen Rose combination. CJ had a quick five points tonight and later made a sweet breakaway layup to put the Mallards ahead for good.
Steven (Slippery Salmon”) Stewart, now there’s one hard to catch fish. You better keep your eye on him, or you’ll lose sight of him fast. The comparisons can be made to former Chicago Bulls star role-player Toni Kukoc. Both change the game when they’re on the court and they do the little things necessary to win ballgames. In a real-time comparison, think of Steven as being today’s most unsung NBA player, Houston Rockets forward Shane Battier.
In the end, the Mallards outscored their opponent 14-9 in the second half to close out a 29-22 win. The victory pushes the team to 2-0 in the second half, with a date with the “Comets” lurking next week.
Time of Game: Under an hour, we know for sure
Attendance: 3 (Thanks Mary!)
Injuries: Thieleke (sprained right knee, day-to-day); Staehler (flu-like symptoms, day-to-day)
